sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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