Yo dont text me then not text me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is Oprah even human
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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