Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
