I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
