fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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