why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he puts the penis in happiness.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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