Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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