There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize