I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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