I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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