You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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