so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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