hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
