Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
