did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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