Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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