Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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