Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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