the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize