Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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