All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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