I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize