it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
