He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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