So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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