You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
