I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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