Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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