Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
