literally had 100 drinks last night.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
