pop tarts are not kleenex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
