Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
