when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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