i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm passing your future prison.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
