I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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