is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
