i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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