so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
