ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
