Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
