Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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