its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My bed smells like the plague
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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