shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize