I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
