we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
