he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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