More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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