Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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