omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My life is pants optional.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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