No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
3pm strippers are depressing
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
