You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
