Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
