If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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