Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
