Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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