im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize