a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
