And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
