It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
