U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
