mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
