I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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