I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
