I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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