I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
high people should be assigned attendants
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
