it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
