She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
