I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
