I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it's like iHOP with fire
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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