I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
