i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
