I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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