Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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