I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
