Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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