oh god the rape fog is back!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
