i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
