i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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