I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
