So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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