he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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