you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
