If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
