I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
