gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your cock deserves a montage
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
