I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
