apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
