Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
