Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
