All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
