I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love you. Go after that dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
