no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is not my ceiling
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
