can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
