There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
