It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So. Much. Porn.
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