I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm too high and old for this...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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