Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
