New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
