Im at strip club and am horny
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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