I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
