Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
