Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
