I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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