Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
