all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
