hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think im going to throw up on grandma
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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