the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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