So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
