oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
