So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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